


Professional Couple Only

by bygoshbygolly



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-29
Updated: 2016-05-29
Packaged: 2018-07-10 20:45:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7005715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bygoshbygolly/pseuds/bygoshbygolly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bokuto and Kuroo pretend to be married in order to get an apartment</p>
<p>(the Spaced AU no one asked for)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Professional Couple Only

**Author's Note:**

> written for my friend Kelsi, who just asked for a fake relationship au and got one based on spaced. update she has also done some [lovely art](http://ketzpart.tumblr.com/post/145107957565/fic-doodles-for-georgies-lovely-fake-married-au)  
> disclaimer: some of the jokes in the first half come from the pilot episode

“I can't do this anymore!” Bokuto wailed, burying his head in his arms and nearly knocking his laptop off the table. “The last three places I've looked at were all already taken! My lease is up in a week and I can't find any place to live and I'm going to end up in a box under a bridge somewhere! And then I'll get fired because who's going to trust their kids with a guy who lives in a box under a bridge?”

“Hey, it's not that bad,” Kuroo said, leaning over to pat Bokuto on the shoulder. “I mean, sure, I haven't had any luck either, and all the places I've looked at were bug-infested hell-holes, but just because you can't find an apartment and I can't find an apartment-” his voice got higher “-that doesn't mean we're going to end up dead in a ditch by the end of the year, ok?” Bokuto let out another wail.

“Not helping!” He raised his head to look at Kuroo, his eyes full of tears, when he saw something out of the corner of his eye. “Hold up, what's this?” He looked at the page of listings on his laptop screen. “I didn't see this earlier. Hey, this looks great!” All signs of crying had vanished, and he was all smiles as he turned his computer around to show Kuroo. “Check it out!”

“Two bedroom apartment, furnished, $500 a month? Holy shi- oh, wait, it says 'Professional couple only.'” Bokuto let out a choking noise as his eyes welled up again. Desperate both to stop the waterworks and for a place to stay himself, Kuroo blurted out “Hey, why don't we just pretend?”

“What?”

“Yeah,” Kuroo continued, thinking it over and getting more into it. “Yeah. Let's pretend we're married! I mean, we're friends, right? How hard could it be? A little PDA, some fake rings, and bam! Neither of us has to live in a box under a bridge.”

“Kuroo! That's genius!” Bokuto threw himself over the table to hug Kuroo around the neck.

“Bokuto Koutarou, will you do me the honor of fake marrying me in order to get an apartment?” Kuroo asked pompously.

“Yes! A thousand times, yes!” Bokuto shrilled, batting his eyelashes before loudly kissing Kuroo on the cheek. 

~*~*~  
The first order of business was to change their cell phone backgrounds. It should have been finding rings, but Bokuto was insistent on taking “couple” pictures.

“Come on, no one is going to think we're together if your cell phone background is of some other guy!” he said. Kuroo had to admit he had a point, although he would be sad to say goodbye to his picture of Kenma, asleep under five cats.

“Ok,” he said. “But you have to change yours as well.” Bokuto hesitated a moment, looking down at the picture of him with his preschool class from last year, one kid on his shoulders, one hanging from each arm, and the rest beaming at his feet, before nodding decisively.

“All right. Let's do this!” He pulled Kuroo close so that their cheeks were smooshed together as he positioned his phone to take a picture. “Ready? Go!”

They ended up taking more photos than were probably necessary: one with Kuroo kissing Bokuto's cheek, caught just as Bokuto's eyes were wide and surprised; one of Bokuto retaliating by clutching Kuroo's face and giving him the world's most aggressive cheek kiss; and several variations of them both pouting at the camera.

“I think we're good,” Kuroo said, changing his background to the aggressive cheek smooch. “Let's get some rings and get that apartment.”

~*~*~  
Their rings were cheap gold-painted things they bought at a dollar store on the way to the apartment. Bokuto had some trouble getting his on, but eventually managed to jam it down over his knuckle.

“You know we're probably going to have to cut that off,” Kuroo said as they turned the corner. Bokuto shrugged. “All right, so what's our story?”

“We're newlyweds!” Bokuto said. “I swept you off your feet and now we're married and looking for a place to call our own.”

“Hey, I'm pretty sure I was the one who asked _you_ to marry _me_ ,” Kuroo cut in. Bokuto waved his hand dismissively.

“Yeah, after I swept you off your feet.” Kuroo rolled his eyes.

“Whatever. Now, how long have we been together?”

“Dunno. Since high school I guess? That's how long we've known each other.”

“Nah, let's make it college instead. Six years?”

“Plus one month and four days!” Kuroo blinked.

“Really?”

“I don't know! Couples count that sort of thing, right?”

“Fine. Six years, one month, four days.”

“Ooh!” Bokuto turned to him, eyes shining. “What was our wedding like?” Kuroo thought for a moment.

“We had a huge bachelor party and got married at the court house the next morning. We probably had awful hangovers.” Bokuto pouted.

“That's not very romantic.”

“Yeah, but it's something we'd do.” Bokuto couldn't argue with that. Neither of them were big into fancy parties or planning events. “Let's say we've only been married for two months, all right?”

“Got it!”  
~*~*~  
The building was a little run down, and was one of those old houses that had been converted into several apartments, rather than a block. Bokuto looked nervous, and Kuroo took his hand in his, squeezing it reassuringly as he rang the doorbell.

A minute later, the door opened to reveal a tiny woman with short blond hair.

“Hi,” said Kuroo. “We're--”

“A couple!” Bokuto interrupted, smiling broadly and thrusting his ring in her face. She looked startled for a moment, then collected herself.

“Awesome. You guys here about the apartment?” They nodded. “Great. I'm Tanaka Saeko; I own the place. Follow me.” She turned and went back into the house and up the staircase. They followed her in, still holding hands.

The apartment was a decent size, with hideous burnt orange carpeting, a kitchen table set that was obviously a) from IKEA and b) badly put together, and a large broken-springed couch the color of Oscar the Grouch.

“Here are the bedrooms,” Saeko said, moving down the little hall. “This one's a bit bigger-- I guess you guys will want to use it for a master bedroom. The other,” she opened the second door, “would be a nice guest room, or office, if either of you work from home, or maybe a kid's room, if you're thinking about having kids.” Kuroo choked back a laugh.

“Bo does love children,” he said, smirking at Bokuto, who looked panicky. Saeko smiled and walked into the living room, where she plopped down on the couch. The boys turned two of the kitchen chairs to face her and sat, smiling uncomfortably.

“So,” she started, “how long have you two been together?” Bokuto grabbed at Kuroo's hand.

“Six years, one month, four days,” they said together, and laughed awkwardly.

“But we've only been married for two months,” Bokuto added.

“That's great. So, you guys are working?”

“Huh?” Bokuto blinked.

“Working? You guys both have paying jobs?”

“Oh! Yeah! I'm a preschool teacher, and Kuroo is-”

“I'm in pharmaceuticals,” he cut in. Technically true. He worked at a pharmacy.

“Hmmm,” Saeko looked at them intently, then glanced at their tightly linked hands. Bokuto squeezed Kuroo's hand even tighter. “Well, you guys can move in whenever you're ready.”

“What? Really? Don't you want to look at our cell phone backgrounds or-”

“Ignore him,” Kuroo interrupted, bumping Bokuto with his shoulder to get him to shut up and smiling sweetly. “He's just a little excited, what with us just being married and finding such a great place so soon.”

“Awesome. Call before you bring all your stuff over; I'll get my brother to help you move in if you want.” Saeko smiled. Bokuto and Kuroo sighed in relief.

~*~*~  
“Dude, I cannot believe you started questioning her when she told us we got it.”

“I was surprised, ok! I thought she'd interrogate us about our relationship more! Make sure we were a professional couple!”

“I did, too, but still. No reason to make a fuss.”

“Hmph. We still have to act married, though, right? We don't want her to kick us out.”

“Yeah.”

~*~*~  
Three days later they were moving in. Saeko had roped her little brother, who was a little younger than Bokuto and Kuroo, to help carry their stuff up to the apartment. There wasn't actually a lot, the two of them preferring to spend their money on food and going out with friends than on stuff, and before long they were chatting with Tanaka over tea.

“No shit, you guys played volleyball in high school? Same here! I was the ace my last year.”

“Same!” Bokuto exclaimed. They high-fived, identical grins on their faces.

“Volleyball is actually how we met,” Kuroo said, draping an arm around Bokuto's shoulders. His ring caught the light. “First year, at a training camp. Bokuto here never shut up. You could hear him from a mile away.” Tanaka raised his eyebrows.

“Guess I'd better warn Saeko.”

“Warn me about what?” she stuck her head around the door. Kuroo and Bokuto were both bright red. Tanaka burst out laughing. “Oi, Ryuu, you teasing my new tenants?” She knuckled his head.

“We were just talking about volleyball,” he said, trying to shove her off.

“Yeah! Kuroo and I used to play volleyball too!” said Bokuto. Saeko rested her arms on her brother's head.

“No shit? That's pretty cool.”

“Oh yeah, I wanted to ask,” Tanaka said, frowning. “You guys are together, right? Why do you call each other by your last names?” Bokuto and Kuroo froze. “And why do you have different last names if you're married, anyway?”

“We were hungover!” Bokuto blurted out. “When we got married, that is. We couldn't remember whose name we were going to take, so we just kept our own.”

“Plus, then we didn't have to file any paperwork for name changes,” Kuroo pointed out. Bokuto smiled at him thankfully. “And we...just got used to the last name thing, I guess? We really only use first names in private.” A plausible lie. He hoped.

“Wow. And how long have you guys been together? Since high school?” 

“Six years, one month, four days,” they chorused, gazing into each other's eyes with what they hoped were lovestruck expressions. This time, it was Saeko who frowned.

“Huh, didn't you say 'four days' three days ago?” They froze again. Shit.

“Haha, funny story actually,” Kuroo laughed, thinking quickly. “We, uh, we actually have two anniversaries of when we got together? It's kind of embarrassing, but I count from when we first kissed and Bokuto counts from when...”

“We first had sex,” Bokuto contributed. Kuroo coughed.

“So whose anniversary is it today?” Tanaka asked, smiling.

“Um, mine,” Kuroo replied. Bokuto nodded.

“Kuroo's!”

“You guys had sex before you kissed?” Saeko asked. Both the Tanakas' eyes were sharp.

“Hahaha, yeah?” Bokuto laughed, rubbing the back of his neck. “Embarrassing, right?”

“It's...something,” Saeko said, straightening up. “I'd stick to using your wedding anniversary from now on, though.”

“Good idea,” Kuroo smiled, feeling a part of his soul shrivel up and die from how awkward the past few minutes had been.

“All right, Ryuu, let's leave the lovebirds alone to unpack.” Tanaka got up and waved goodbye, and they both left. Bokuto and Kuroo looked at each other.

“Well, that was embarrassing.”

~*~*~  
Despite the awkward start, they settled in pretty quickly. The apartment wasn't too far from either of their jobs, and near a bus stop. Saeko was a lot of fun to hang out with, as was her brother, who visited about once a week.

There were some close calls, of course. They had to keep both their doors closed, so no one would notice that both rooms were actively being used as bedrooms. One time Saeko mentioned, saying good bye on her way to a date, that she'd like to see their wedding pictures sometime, and they'd put on their best suits and taken the bus into town, where they'd roped Tsukishima (the only person they could get a hold of at that point) into taking pictures of them at the town hall while they tried their best to look in love while hungover. 

They'd also had to tell their friends what was going on, so none of them let slip that they weren't actually married. Akaashi and Kenma had just sighed and promised not to say anything to the contrary. Tsukishima called them both idiots, which they knew meant he would keep his mouth shut. Hinata had loudly congratulated and high-fived them both, leaving Bokuto and Kuroo unsure whether he understood that they were only pretending to be married, or if he was just really dedicated to preserving the charade (actually, he was just pleased that they had a cool apartment). The rest of their friends reacted with a mixture of laughter and bemused looks.

Pretending to be a couple wasn't even that hard, it turned out. Both of them were pretty tactile (Bokuto moreso), and once people accepted that they were together, it only took small things to keep up the charade. Hand-holding, leaning against each other when they were sitting on the couch, the occasional pet name...Two months in they started doing those things even without an audience, Bokuto coming home from work and taking a nap with his head in Kuroo's lap on the couch; Kuroo cuddling into Bokuto's warmth as they watched movies; tacking 'babe' on to their hellos and goodbyes.

It was surprisingly nice.

~*~*~

Kuroo generally worked the evening shift at the pharmacy on Wednesdays, leaving his mornings and afternoons free. He wandered out of his room at 10am, yawning and thinking longingly about his first cup of coffee, when he noticed Bokuto had left his lunch on the kitchen table.

He sighed. He should bring the lunch over to the school. Hungry Bokuto was a nightmare to deal with, and the last thing all the small children in his care needed was to have their image of their beloved, easy-going teacher tarnished.

But first, coffee.

An hour and a half later he was standing outside Bokuto's classroom door, visitor badge on his shirt and lunchbox in his hand. The kids appeared to be painting, wearing little smocks and chattering amongst themselves. There was no sign of Bokuto, though. He knocked, gently.

“Hey!” Hinata, Bokuto's assistant, greeted him cheerfully. He walked over and Kuroo noticed he had a blotch of orange paint on his cheek.

“Hey,” Kuroo replied. He held up the lunchbox. “Bo forgot his lunch at home. I thought I'd bring it over before he tries to eat one of the kids.” Hinata laughed. “Where is he, anyway?”

“Oh, we had a mishap earlier. One of the boys poured paint in Emi's hair and Bokuto took her to the bathroom to clean up.” Hinata pointed at a small boy sulking in a corner, then yelled “Bokuto! Your husband brought your lunch!” Kuroo winced as every single child turned to look at him, all interest in painting forgotten in the face of the chance to pry into their teacher's personal life.

“Thanks, Hinata.”

“No problem!” Hinata slapped him on the back and went to go talk to the kid in the corner. The rest of the children rushed over to Kuroo.

“ _You're_ married to Mr. Bokuto?”

“Does he pick you up when you're sad, too?”

“Your hair looks stupid.”

Kuroo, starting to panic, was relieved to see Bokuto finally emerge from the bathroom, a small girl with an old towel wrapped around her head perched on his hip.

“Kuroo! Thanks! I didn't even realize I'd forgotten my lunch- we don't eat for another half hour.”

“Well, I thought you'd steal the kids' lunches if I didn't bring it over, so-” Kuroo noticed that the kids were quietly looking between him and Bokuto.

“Mr. Bokuto?” a small girl asked. “Is this guy _really_ your husband?” She looked at Kuroo scornfully, and he felt offended.

“Oh! Um,” Bokuto laughed, nervously, and switched Emi to his other hip. “Who told you that?”

“Hinata,” said Kuroo.

“I'm going to have to have a talk with him about privacy,” Bokuto muttered. “Mr. Kuroo and I are roommates.”

“That's what my mom says about Uncle James and Uncle Hiro,” another boy chimed in, knowingly, “and _they're_ married.” And, with that, all control of the situation was lost. The questions started up again and Bokuto picked his way through the kids until he was in the center of the room. He put Emi on the ground, gently, then straightened up and whistled through his fingers. The classroom went dead silent.

“All right everyone, question time is over and so is painting time. It's time to clean up now. Let's say good-bye to Mr. Kuroo and then we can start the clean up song, ok?” 

“Ok,” the children chorused, with varying degrees of enthusiasm. Kuroo noticed the boy in the corner had rejoined the crowd, looking suitably chastised. Hinata was surprisingly good at making children feel repentant.

“Bye Mr. Kuroo,” Bokuto said, waving.

“Bye Mr. Kuroo,” repeated the children. He waved back, and realized he still had the lunchbox in his hand. Making sure Bokuto saw, he placed it on top of the cubbies by the door. Bokuto smiled gratefully.

“Bye Bokuto, bye Hinata, bye guys,” Kuroo waved and left quickly, but not quickly enough to miss hearing a small voice asking why Bokuto hadn't kissed his husband goodbye.

~*~*~  
They didn't see each other until the next evening, when Kuroo walked in the door and slumped into nearest chair, exhausted.

“Hey,” said Bokuto from in front of the stove. “I'm making omelets for dinner. The usual?”

“Yeah. An omelet sounds great.” 

“Thanks for yesterday, by the way,” Bokuto said. “And I'm sorry about Hinata. I talked to him. Told him I know he didn't mean anything by it and was just trying to be funny, but he basically outed me to the kids and that wasn't cool.”

“Yeah, no problem. You get everything sorted?” Bokuto stilled.

“Kinda.”

“Kinda?”

“Welllll, they didn't believe me when I said we weren't really married, and we ended up having the 'all sexualities are ok' talk a bit earlier than I think their parents expected, but they were all really cool about it. At least, I think they were. I haven't got any calls from parents complaining about me corrupting their children, so I'm taking it as a win.”

“Not even from Mrs. 'Your Uncles Are Just Roommates'?” Kuroo grinned. Bokuto laughed, and continued making dinner.

“Actually, she called me up to thank me. Apparently she didn't think Matt would understand? She didn't realize that his uncles had already given him the talk.” He shrugged. “I don't think it's that hard to explain to kids, but whatever.” He plated Kuroo's omelet and put it in front of him. “By the way, Emi wants to see you again.”

“Oh?” Kuroo leaned back and grinned. “She have a crush on me?” Bokuto snorted.

“Don't be gross. She wants to see if you're good enough for me, obviously.” Kuroo gasped.

“I'm offended! I'm plenty good for you.” 

“Don't worry, I set her straight. She just wants to see for herself.” Bokuto turned his head and smiled. “Eat up! I know you had a long day.” Kuroo did, his chest warm.

~*~*~  
It was laundry day for Bokuto. Laundry day meant he cleaned his room in his last clean pair of boxers while every other item of clothing he owned went through the wash.  
Kuroo walked through the door to the sight of Bokuto and Tanaka playing video games, both shirtless.  
“Kuroo!” Bokuto yelled, glancing over at him. Then he looked at Tanaka and paused the game. “Babe!” He stood up and ran over to Kuroo, throwing his arms around him and giving his ear a sloppy kiss. Kuroo hugged him back.  
“Hey. You get the laundry done?” Bokuto nodded and went back to the game, satisfied his husbandly duties had been fulfilled.  
“Yeah. Put the sheets back on the bed and everything. Just couldn't be bothered getting dressed.” His focus was on the game now, trying to kill Tanaka's character. “You have a good day?”  
“Not bad,” Kuroo said, collapsing onto the couch. “Hey Tanaka, when did you get here?”  
“About an hour ago,” Tanaka replied, his character impaling Bokuto's on an oversized sword. “Ha!”  
Kuroo watched them play and half-dozed. At some point Bokuto leaned back against the couch, next to his legs, and Kuroo's hand found its way into his hair, skritching absently.  
“That feels really nice,” Bokuto said suddenly, pushing his head further into Kuroo's hand. Kuroo stopped, and Bokuto whined and tipped his head back to pout at him. Rolling his eyes, he started scratching again, and Bokuto hummed contentedly.  
“Keep it up, Kuroo,” said Tanaka. “I've been kicking his ass since you started that.”  
“You're just jealous you don't have anyone to rub your head,” Bokuto said smugly.  
“Do too.”  
“Saeko doesn't count.”  
“Ha ha.” Tanaka shoved Bokuto to the side, starting a friendly wrestling match. Kuroo refereed from the couch until his stomach rumbled.  
If Kuroo's hands found their way into Bokuto's hair more often after that day, neither of them mentioned it.

~*~*~  
It was inevitable that Kuroo and Bokuto ended up playing volleyball with Tanaka. Honestly, Kuroo was surprised it had taken three months for it to happen.

“Shirts versus skins!” Tanaka yelled, whipping off his shirt before he'd even finished his sentence. 

“Whaaat?” Bokuto complained. “I want to be skins!”

“I _don't_ want to be skins,” Tanaka's friend Asahi muttered.

“ _Nobody_ is going to be skins.” The final verdict came from Daichi, who had been Tanaka's captain in high school. 

It was good to be playing volleyball again. Tanaka's team had two great spikers and a libero, but Kuroo and Tsukishima were pros at blocking, and Bokuto and Hinata were in fine form.

It was a close game, but eventually a neat cross spike from Bokuto won the third match.

“Whoooo!” he yelled, falling to his knees and fist pumping. “Yeah!”

“Good game,” Kuroo said, reaching under the net to shake hands.

“Great game!” Bokuto exclaimed, standing up and following suit.

They moved outside to sit under the trees and rest. Hinata, Tanaka, and the libero, Noya, got on like a house on fire, to no one's surprise.

“That was a really good cross,” Asahi complimented Bokuto.

“Thanks, man! You're really good, too! You almost got us, like, a bunch! If it hadn't been for Kuroo that last time you guys would have probably won.” He hooked his arm around Kuroo's neck and pulled him close, beaming.

“Ah, get off, Bo!” Kuroo pushed at him. “You smell awful.”

“I smell like a winner!” Bokuto laughed, then yipped as Kuroo began tickling him. Daichi smiled.

“Tanaka was right, you guys are cute.” They stopped and looked up at him, baffled.

“Cute?” Daichi shrugged and looked a little embarrassed.

“Yeah, I dunno. You're just really comfortable with each other? He said you're always hugging and laughing together. It's nice.” He looked sad and distant.

“Just got out of a relationship,” Asahi mouthed at Bokuto and Kuroo, then pat Daichi sympathetically on the back. Kuroo and Bokuto grimaced and sat back up, suddenly feeling self conscious.

~*~*~  
Kuroo woke up late on his birthday to the smell of coffee and pancakes. He stumbled out of his room and into the kitchen to find a full pot of coffee and a piece of paper on the table.  
_Happy Birthday Kuroo!_  
I made pancakes! They’re in the oven. Enjoy your day off! See you when I get back!  
<3  
Kuroo smiled and poured himself some coffee. Then he opened the oven to find a plate piled high with pancakes. They were cool, and a little dry—Bokuto had made them hours ago, and hadn’t tin foiled them or anything—but the top one had a smiley face made out of chocolate chips, and they were tasty (he’d been surprised to discover that Bokuto was really good at cooking breakfast food. Of course, that was the only thing he could cook).  
He lazed around most of the day, playing video games and congratulating himself for remembering to ask for today off, unlike last year, when he’d forgotten and ended up working a 12 hour shift. Around three, he started thinking about what restaurant he’d bully Bokuto into taking him to, but fell asleep before coming to any conclusions.  
Bokuto got home at four, arms full of groceries.  
“Happy birthday, babe!” he boomed, startling Kuroo out of his nap. “I got snacks!”  
“What kind of snacks?” Kuroo asked, realizing how hungry he was. Bokuto looked down at the bags he was holding.  
“I don’t remember. One of everything?” He dumped the groceries on the kitchen table and gestured grandly at them. “Eat! But not too much because we’re going out to dinner at 7 but I’m hungry so I’m going to eat and you should too.” Kuroo snorted.  
“Yeah, ok.” He knew that at least half the snacks would be gone by this time tomorrow, so he picked through the bags to rescue his favorites before they disappeared. “Where are we going for dinner?” Bokuto sat up, eyes bright, and opened his mouth before closing it again.  
“No, it’s a surprise.” Kuroo raised his eyebrows.  
“A surprise? Really?” Bokuto squirmed in his seat.  
“I want it to be a surprise,” he said, talking to the table. “It’s more special that way.”  
“All right, Bo,” Kuroo said, leaning back in his seat.  
~*~*~  
Dinner was at a new grill that had opened up in town. It wasn’t incredibly fancy—neither of them could afford anyplace that swank—but it had plenty of meat options, and Bokuto seemed so proud of getting reservations to it that Kuroo didn’t have it in him to tell him ‘dinner at a grill’ wasn’t really much of a surprise. It was what he would have asked for, anyway.  
“Oh! Kenma’s already here!” Bokuto said, pointing at a table in the back where, sure enough, Kenma sat. “Hi Kenma!” he waved. He turned to Kuroo. “I invited Akaashi too, but he couldn’t make it, but he says ‘Happy birthday,’ and anyway, Kenma’s your best friend so I thought as long as he could make it everything would be ok.”  
“Thanks, Bo,” he replied, bumping Bokuto’s shoulder with his own as they made their way over to Kenma.  
The rest of the evening was full of good food and conversation, and although Bokuto’s loud voice and wide gestures drew some disapproving looks, Kuroo couldn’t stop smiling.

~*~*~  
Kuroo was surprised to wake up on a Saturday morning to a completely quiet apartment. Bokuto was an early bird, and usually spent his mornings with the TV or radio on low, puttering about, watching cartoons, cooking breakfast for himself, or doing push ups. Today though, there was nothing, not even the smell of coffee. 

“Bo?” he called, wandering into the kitchen. Nothing. Frowning, he turned the coffee machine on, and went to knock on Bokuto's door. “Bo? You ok?” He heard a noise. “I'm coming in, ok? You better not be jerking off in there.”

He wasn't. In fact, Bokuto wasn't doing anything. He lay on his side, bundled in his comforter, staring blankly at the opposite wall. For a heart-stopping moment Kuroo thought he was dead, but then Bokuto sighed and looked at him.

“Babe, you all right?” he asked tentatively. Bokuto blinked, shook his head, and went back to staring at the wall.

Five minutes later, Kuroo was pouring himself a cup of coffee and calling Akaashi.

“Did something trigger the bad mood?” Akaashi asked.

“I don't think so? Things have been going pretty well for him, actually. I think he just woke up like this?” Kuroo raked a hand through his hair. Akaashi sighed.

“Ok. It sounds like it's just one of his bad days. They're not as frequent as they were in high school, but they do happen occasionally.”

“What do I do? Akaashi, you're the only one I know who's dealt with him like this, and you lived with him for a year back in college. Do I leave him alone or what? I don't want to make things worse.”

“Calm down, Kuroo,” Akaashi said, his voice even and soothing. “Don't leave him alone. That will definitely make things worse when he's like this. Talk to him, but don't ask any questions. Just...read out loud, tell him a story, anything. After a while he should start moving around. Then you can ask him simple questions. The 'yes or no' kind. Ask if it's ok to touch him. If he says yes, hold his hand or pat his shoulder, whatever you're comfortable with. If he says no, keep talking. He usually starts to get better with some physical contact.”

“And then he'll be ok?”

“No, but he'll be better. Make sure he drinks water. Try and get him to take a walk or talk to someone or something. If he's still like this tomorrow, call me again and I'll come over.”

“Thanks, Akaashi.”

“No problem. I know Bokuto can be a handful sometimes.” Akaashi paused. “Kuroo. Tell him...tell him I hope he feels better soon.”

“I will,” Kuroo promised. He chugged his coffee and walked back to Bokuto's room. “Hey, Bo? You better be ready to hear about my day yesterday in excruciating detail, because I'm about to tell it to you.”

~*~*~  
Luckily, there was no need to call Akaashi again. Kuroo was able to convince Bokuto to walk up and down the street, holding his hand all the way. Bokuto didn't talk much, and took a nap on the couch as soon as they returned, but he answered Kuroo's questions and curled into him as they watched a movie.

“Akaashi really said he hopes I feel better soon?” he asked. Kuroo squeezed him.

“He really did. You know he cares about you, Bo. We both do. Lots of people do.”

“I guess,” Bokuto sighed.

“Hey, it's true. What's not to love? You're cool and you're nice and you care about your friends, and you have really buff arms.”

“I do have buff arms,” Bokuto admitted. Kuroo laughed and bumped his head against Bokuto's. 

“It's going to be ok, Bo, I promise. I know it's not right now, but I'll stay with you until it is.”

~*~*~  
Twenty minutes later, Bokuto was asleep in Kuroo's lap.

_I think he'll be all right_ , Kuroo texted Akaashi. _Thank you._

_Thank you_ , Akaashi texted back. _For taking care of him._

~*~*~

Kuroo had worked two twelve-hour shifts over the past two days, with six hours down-time in between. He wasn't sure if that was legal, even. He was exhausted and his back and feet were killing him. He dropped his bag as soon as he entered the apartment. Bokuto looked up from where he was sitting at the table, working on his laptop.  
“Hey! There's leftovers in the fridge if you want to heat- oh. That bad?” Kuroo wondered how bad he looked if Bokuto noticed, then nodded and went to flop down on the couch.  
He could hear Bokuto get up and start moving around the kitchen. The fridge opening and closing, microwave humming, the sink running. After a few minutes Bokuto poked him in the shoulder with his foot.  
“Come on babe, turn over. I got you dinner.” Kuroo groaned but did as he was told. Bokuto stood before him with a glass of water in one hand and a bowl of yesterday's stirfry in the other. “Ok, sit up a bit now and eat.”  
“Just let me die, Bo,” he whined as Bokuto shoved the food into his chest.  
“Eat,” came the order again, Bokuto's teacher voice coming out. He stood next to Kuroo while he ate, then took the bowl away and shoved the glass of water in his face. “Drink this.”  
“Yes, mom,” Kuroo snickered, feeling better now that was no longer on his feet and had eaten.  
“I can't have you dying on me,” Bokuto admonished, putting the bowl in the sink. “I can't be a widow at my age. It's embarrassing.” He walked back to the couch and moved Kuroo's feet out of the way to sit down. Kuroo whined, but stopped as Bokuto placed his feet in his lap. “Feel any better?”  
“A bit,” Kuroo sighed, taking a sip of water. “I really need to start applying for places with reasonable hours. And a consistent schedule. Maybe as a sales rep or something. It sucks not knowing when you'll be working until the week before.”  
“Maybe I'd see you more, too,” Bokuto said. He took one of Kuroo's feet in his hands and began kneading it.  
“What are you doing?” Kuroo asked, surprised.  
“Massaging your feet? They hurt, right? Should I stop?” Bokuto tilted his head.  
“No, no, it's fine. I was just surprised, that's all.” Kuroo felt himself relax further and Bokuto continued to work on his feet. He wasn't that great at it, but his hands were warm and it felt nice, and Kuroo felt himself drifting off to sleep.

Before he succumbed to unconsciousness, however, he was struck by the realization that he could very happily live the rest of his life falling asleep to Bokuto's absent-minded humming and hands on him.

~*~*~  
Kuroo set up lunch with Kenma in a panic.

“It's _important_ ,” he'd stressed, the fifth time that minute.

“I'll be there, Kuro,” Kenma said.

Now they were at the diner by Kenma's office, Kenma calmly reading the menu and waiting for Kuroo to stop fidgeting and tell him what was so important. Finally, after tearing his napkin to shreds, speed-reading the menu three times, and four false starts, Kuroo took a deep breath and spread his hands on the table.

“Kenma, I'm in love with Bokuto.” There. He'd said it.

“Mm,” Kenma replied, not looking up from his menu.

“Mm? Is that all you have to say?” Kuroo couldn't believe this. He knew Kenma was chill, but he'd expected a _bit_ more than 'Mm.'

“Kuro, you asked him to marry you.”

“To get an apartment! It said 'professional couple only,' and we both needed a place to stay!” Kenma sighed and looked Kuroo in the eye.

“Professional _couple_. You're the one who jumped to marriage. You could have just pretended to be dating.” Kuroo gaped.

“Oh my god.” He buried his head in his arms. “ _Oh my god_.”

“If it makes you feel any better,” Kenma said, “he did say yes.”

~*~*~  
“Akaashi, do you think I'm in love with Kuroo?” Bokuto lay on the floor of Akaashi's living room, staring at the ceiling.

“Why are you asking me, Bokuto?”

“Because I'm not so good at thinking about these things! And besides, you know everything.”

“I am pretty sure this is something you should figure out by yourself.”

“Akaashi,” Bokuto whined. “Please help me.” Akaashi sighed. There was no way he'd be able to properly edit this manuscript if Bokuto was in full whine-mode. 

“Fine.” Bokuto grinned and sat up. “How do you feel about Kuroo, then?”

“I like him, of course! But I don't know if it's love-like or friend-like? I mean, he's good-looking and funny and I really like hanging out with him, but you're also funny and good-looking and you're my best friend?”

“Do you feel the same way about Kuroo and me, then?” Bokuto frowned and thought about it.

“No. Because with you it's more 'Mmmmmm' and with him it's more 'Ahhhhhhh,' you know?” Akaashi took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes.

“Well, that's...something.”

“I guess,” Bokuto said, looking at his hands. “I guess I wish that we were really married sometimes? Like, it's fun pretending, but it would be more fun if we weren't pretending. If it was real and we could do it forever.” He looked back at Akaashi. “Does that mean I'm in love with him?”

“Again, I'm not really the best person to ask, but it does sound like it.”

“Awesome!” Bokuto jumped to his feet. “Thanks, Akaashi! You're the best!” He ran over to the table and lifted Akaashi out of his seat in a hug. Akaashi pat his arm.

“You're welcome. Now can you put me down so I can get back to my work?” Bokuto released him immediately.

“Sorry. Hey, thanks again for helping me out! I'm going to go home now. Good night!”

“Good night, Bokuto.”

~*~*~

They were having a drink with Saeko one night when she asked them what their anniversary plans were.

“It's coming up soon, right?” Kuroo blinked. _It was?_

“Yeah!” Bokuto replied enthusiastically. “Two weeks from Tuesday.” Kuroo blinked again. That was...specific. “We haven't really talked about what we're going to do, but maybe the beach? Except it might be too cold for the beach, I don't know.” Saeko laughed.

“You guys are shit at planning.”

“It keeps things interesting,” Kuroo replied, trying to regain his mental balance. 

~*~*~  
“Why did you tell her our anniversary was two weeks from Tuesday?” Kuroo asked after Saeko left. Bokuto frowned.

“Because it is?”

“What?”

“Two weeks from Tuesday will be ten months after you asked me to marry you,” Bokuto explained, as if this was very obvious. “Our anniversary. Sort of.” Kuroo ran his hands through his hair.

Shit. When he'd come up with this plan he hadn't thought about anniversaries. He definitely hadn't thought he'd realize he was in love with Bokuto, and probably had been for a while. Ten months seemed to have gone by so fast.

“Sorry, babe, I guess I'm the kind of husband who forgets anniversaries.” He smiled weakly.

“That's ok,” Bokuto replied. “I love you anyway.” Kuroo was about to laugh, maybe say 'same' and pat him on the shoulder, when Bokuto went white. “Ahhh, shit! I can't believe I said that?” He pulled at his hair in frustration.

“Bo, it's ok,” Kuroo said, hesitantly. Why was Bokuto freaking out so much? Was it because he said he loved him? Bokuto told Akaashi he loved him at least once a week.

“No, it's not ok! I was going to tell you I loved you on our anniversary, but I messed up!”

“It's ok,” Kuroo repeated. He felt light-headed.

“It was going to be really romantic, too! I was going to tell you I loved you and then you'd tell me you loved me and then we'd really get married!”

“Bo, slow down,” Kuroo rested his hands on Bokuto's shoulders. “It's ok, you didn't ruin anything.” Bokuto sniffed and looked up at him. “I love you too” Bokuto stared at him a moment. Then his eyes widened.

“Really?” He smiled, and Kuroo smiled back, ridiculously happy.

“Of course.” Bokuto whooped, picked him up and twirled him around.

“I love you, Kuroo,” he said against Kuroo's cheek.

“I love you too,” Kuroo replied.

“Can I kiss you?”

“Yeah.”

**Author's Note:**

> this fic focused mostly on the tender parts of their cohabitation but rest assured there were a great deal of shenanigans as well
> 
> also this is the longest fic i've ever written thank you for finishing it


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